


Come wake me up

by Ghost_Writer



Category: Swimming RPF
Genre: AU, M/M, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-05 22:52:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_Writer/pseuds/Ghost_Writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan, 31 is the GOAT and getting ready for Rio. On the outside his life looks perfect but it is all a charade, he has rules to stop his heart from breaking and is terrified his secret will come out.</p><p>Michael, 19 is student, the polar opposite of Ryan and the new photographer for speedo. When Michael meets Ryan he is the only person to see through the charade Ryan has so carefully built up over the years</p><p>When the two meet will Ryan be able to break the rules he has been living with for so long and give up the charade?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come wake me up

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Ryan the GOAT of swimming still doing Rio and Michael a new photographer for speedo
> 
> So i kinda decided that deep down inside Michael is kind of a bohemian, urban arty geek so yeah.

Ryan shakes his head ruefully. ''I asked you...here... too..'' Ryan says sitting down on Michael's sofa.

''You came here to break up with me'' Michael says after a moment of silence.

Ryan falls back against the back of the sofa. He stays silent not answering Michael's question.

Michael wants to understand. If Ryan had said, “I have come to break up with you” he’d be acknowledging that there had been something there to break. And Ryan would never do that; he’d been living in a dust storm of self-deception, uncaring of the pain it gave to him or others so long as he was blinded as long as the charade was safe. In Michael's eyes they were together, there was something that could be broken.

''You told me that you loved me and now....'' Michael shouts balling his fist and hitting the wall ''Fuck'' he breaths out as his fist impacts the wall

Ryan swallows not looking up at Michael ''I told you what this was when we met, I never lied to you it. You said you were ok with that. You can’t keep asking me to come out. I can’t…''

Michael turns around ''That was before you told me you loved me, what that was that....''

''I never...''

''No you are the great Ryan Fucking Lochte, you don't do love. The only person you are in love with is yourself'' Michael spits closing the space between him and Ryan.

Ryan sighs ''Michael you are... you are young. You don't understand the complications it will have on me, on both of us.''

''You don't get to choose what is best for me''

Ryan puts his hand up to Michael's cheek but Michael grabs Ryan's wrist and pulls it away ''Just leave, go be happy with whatever airhead your agent has chosen for you.

''I, it not that....'' Ryan says voice trembling

''that easy?'' Michael replies finishing Ryan's sentence ''Yes it is, your just scared''

“Mike, we can still see each other, I just can't...be what you want me to be.”

Michael puts back on his hoodie and plays with one of the cords ''No'' he stands up and throws his backpack over his shoulder.

''Mike'' Ryan says pleading.

Michael pulls Ryan in close ''I love you'' he whispers “I know what you’re going to say I am too young to even know what true love is, but I feel that we..” running his hand up Ryan’s back before pulling away '' this isn't enough for me, and deep down inside you know it isn't enough for you''

''All my life I have had to hide who I am, but with you... I just....but I can’t come out not just jet''

Michael smiles but there is something sad in the way he is smiling ''I can't do what you are asking me to do Ryan''

''So this is it?'' Ryan replies voice trembling

''I guess'' Michael says walking towards the door and turns the doorknob ''for what it is worth Ryan, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself''

Ryan holds out his hand to Michael ''Mike please''

''Sorry Ryan, I don't think two people can play this charade'' he opens the door and steps out into hotel foyer leaving a trembling Ryan behind him.

**6 months earlier**

Ryan stretches out on the couch as his agent goes over his responsibilities for the next few weeks. 

''You have another appearance on 30 Rock and then you fly straight to New York for an appearance of SNL and a Speedo photo-shoot. They will do a press conference and then a couple of days in New York and it is back to LA for the Ellen Show''

Ryan groans and buries his head in one of his agents fancy pillows ''Do I have a choice?''

She just puts down the paper she had been holding and folds her arms ''Ryan we have been here before, you have to keep up your status going into Rio''  
  
Ryan props himself up onto his elbows ''And what all the gold medals I have already won is just forgotten''

His agents sighs ''I know but Speedo, you know your main sponsor, wants you to do this. So basically..''  
  
''So basically I am screwed'' Ryan cuts in zipping up his hoodie and reaching for his bag

''Just one more thing Ryan before you go...your date for the Golden Goggles shall i do the usual?''  
  
Ryan groans ''Sure, work your magic, I will meet up with her before we head so we at least have spoken to each other at least once before she pretends to be my latest girlfriend''

His agent nods and Ryan leaves her office. 

 

 ****

 

''Michael are you ready for your first big-not-getting-the-coffee-job?'' Michael's boss asks him. Michael nods and closes his textbooks ''Sure what is it''

His boss pulls out the chair and sits down next to him ''Well, Thomas' wife just had their baby and he normal does the Speedo Olympic team promo stuff but seeing as he is on leave i thought i would give the job to you.''    
  
Michael's jaw drops. The job at Speedo was a part time thing he started two weeks ago. He was there to carry around the equipment and not ask questions, it was his way of paying through uni and it is a means to an end. ''Speedo, Olympics, me'' is all he manages to say, well stammer really.

His boss laughs ''Sure i looked at some of your stuff you submitted when you applied for the job and you have some real talent.

''But this is like a big thing, right this will be everywhere''  Michael stammers still not wanting to believe he is going to be in charge of his first photoshoot.

''So you up for it'' his boss asks clapping his shoulder ''don't worry Hannah has worked with the swimmers a couple of times she will keep them in check'' he laughs standing up and existing the room. Michael just falls back and smiles. 

 

 

''So you must be Michael'' a blond middle aged women says holding out her hand. 

''And you must be Hannah'' Michael replies shaking her hand and looking a bit overwhelmed

''Nice to meet you, don't look so worried they don't bite. Just show them who is boss and you will be fine. Just some swimmers have concentration problems, just be firm'' She laughs showing him where he can get set up.

Michael looks around the pool, it is big and impressive. He sees a bunch of people who he presumes are the swimmers. They are all chatting and laughing. His eyes fall on one swimmer in particular. He never really followed swimming but he neglected to tell that fact on his CV but he knows who he is of course, who doesn't. Ryan Lochte the greatest Olympian of all time. He is amazed at Ryan's physic, every movement he makes, even just talking is fucking perfect.

''So ehm i just tell them what to do and they do it'' Michael asks setting up his camera and swears under his breath when the tripod for his camera won't unfold. ''Damn fucking hell'' he eventually curses as he tries to pull open the tripod and ends up cutting himself

Hannah laughs and hands Michael a Kleenex ''You okay, listen they will do exactly as you say, just attend to some of their ego's. Most have certain things they will and won't do in a photo-shoot. Just be firm and you will be fine, you're the boss''

''I feel like i should be writing this down'' Michael replies looking at the cut and trying to assess the damage.

''You will be fine, let me get you a bandage and we can get started'' Hannah says walking off.

''So'' Michael says to the group of swimmers ''i wanted to do is....''  
  
''Yo Cullen what happened to that girl you were seen with last night, who kinda hurried of this morning'' Ryan interrupts 

''Well you know me dude'' Cullen laughs and high-fives Ryan ''but you and that blond, Capital H hot''

''Jeah'' Ryan laughs finally realising Michael was saying something ''Sorry sir what were you saying'' Ryan says resisting the urge to salute and smirking.

Michael nods and starts to blush ''Right now i thought we could do one with you all jumping into the pool and a mid-air shot kind of fun and then a more serious one. With back lighting so you kind of see half silhouettes." he says without taking a breath.

 

To Michael’s relief all the swimmers listen and do what he tells him to. Every once in a while he feels that he is being stared at, he sees Ryan looking at him before him resumes whatever conversation he was having with Nathan.

The afternoon passes without much problems. Most swimmers do as they are told and Michael is breathes a sigh of relief. The only problem is Ryan who seems to be having trouble paying attention.  It seems to be that Ryan is just staring at him and when he asks Ryan something he just goes _huh_ causing most of the others to laugh. Followed by _dancing banana’s again Ry?_

Michael gets the photo’s he needs and starts packing up his.

“Michael right?” Michael turns around to see Ryan standing infront of him.

“Yes, but my friends call me Mike, only my mum calls me Michael” Michael laughs zipping up his bag

“Sorry for being a pain” Ryan says with a cheesy smile “just paying attention isn’t really my strong point”

“Not a problem, but what was the whole dancing banana’s thing about”

Ryan laughs and shakes his head “How young are you? Lets just say it is something I am trying to forget”

“Sure, so good luck with everything” Michael says smiling holding out his hand waiting for Ryan to shake it.

“Thanks dude, can’t wait to see the pictures”  Ryan replies shaking Michael’s hand holding on longer than is customary.

“Right” Michael says after a while pulling his hand away “I better be off” as he turns towards the exit.

“Bye Sir” Ryan shouts after him and Michael just groans internally.

Michael heads towards the exit and bumps into Nathan.  
  
''Thanks man, great shoot'' Nathan says shaking Michael's hand ''so will you be at the Speedo party tonight?''  
  
''Ehm well I haven't really been invited'' Michael says

Nathan nods ''well let me put you on the list for tonight, we will be going out afterwards to some club. You are more than welcome to come''

''Well thanks, sure ehm see you tonight'' 

 

**

 

Ryan was lying on his stomach on the bed in his hotel, the controller to the Xbox clutched in his hands. He wasn’t doing too well at his game; his mind just wasn’t on it. It was actually out partying with his teammates, one big blowout before they all had to knuckle down for the Olympic Trials.  It was a real bitch being well known sometimes. He knew if he’d gone with them there would have been a mob scene. No one would have had fun then, so he just stayed in his room playing games like a high school kid not allowed out after nine. It was almost a relief when his phone beeped.

[Unkown Number 917pm]

So you are not at the speedo do?  Can't see you anywhere. Mike

 

[Ryan 918 pm]

didnt want 2 ruin it fr them. How did u get my number

 

[Unknown Number 919PM]

Nathan, asked me to convice u to come, he though it looked like we got along. Why would u ruin it for them

 

[Ryan 922PM]

Not sure

 

He throws his mobile next to him when Michael doesn't reply. He starts his game back up again but all he can do is think about that smile, the way Michael smiled at him as they were heading out. The way Michael’s hand felt in his.   

 

[Mike 954PM]

Sorry, was driving.  How could you ruin it for them tho?

 

[Ryan 955PM]

they would get mobbed if out wth me

 

[Mike 956PM]

oh

 

[Mike 957PM]

Does that happen a lot?

 

[Ryan 958PM]

pretty much all the time

 

[Mike 959PM]

Sorry dude, sucks. I wouldnt mind

 

[Ryan 1000PM]

what r u up 2?

 

[Mike 1001PM]

Studying for midterm tomorrow

 

[Ryan 1002PM]

you blew off partying to study? so glad that is far behind me, what r u studying

 

[Mike 1003PM]

Art history specializing in urban design and architecture studies

 

[Ryan 1004PM]

sounds ehm

 

[Mike 1005PM]

Dont worry most people react along the lines of and so you just sit around looking at buildings all day

 

[Ryan 1006PM]

 So what do you do?

 

[Mike 1007PM]

 Sit around and look at paintings or buidings all day

 

[Mike 1007PM]

but we do discuss it and write papers about it and stuff  :D

 

[Ryan 1008PM]

what are you up 2 tomorrow?

 

[Mike 1009PM]

Lecture in the morning followed by exam then afternoon off, prob playing HALO or CoL

 

Ryan smiles, he types up the text and hovers with his finger over send. Asking Michael out to lunch could be dangerous and yet Ryan can’t help himself being attracted to Michael. Even though he assumes he must be at least ten years younger than him.

 

[Ryan 1013PM]

fancy grabbing lunch?

 

[Mike 1014PM]

Nothing else on?

 

[Ryan 1017PM]

not anymore :) knw of a good place?

 

[Mike 1022PM]

Local diner near my uni is pretty good. text address tomorrow. off to bed

 

[Ryan 1023]

ok c u tomorrow

 

***

 

Ryan arrives at the dinner a few minutes before Michael, he takes a seat in the cubicle and looks around the diner. All students, none of them have noticed him and he says a silent thank you for the fact that a bunch of students have no idea who he is.

The door swings open and Michael comes in with a pretty young blonde who is hanging on his every word. Michael looks completely different, yesterday he was wearing a t-shirts and Bermuda shorts today he is wearing a pair of jeans, with a plaid shirt, he is wearing a beany and  glasses. Geek Ryan thinks and he resist the urge to pull Michael over the cubicle and have him there and then.  He fits in with his surroundings, even though he is at least half a foot taller than most of the people in the diner and could easily pass as a swimmer. The girl stands up on tiptoes and plants a kiss on Michael's cheek. Michael leans down to whisper something to her causing her to laugh and kisses him on the lips, lingering a second or two. Ryan feels a pang of jealousy watching the two. He doesn't know why, nothing about meeting Michael had screamed  _gay._  And yet here he is in some manky diner getting jealous over a guy he met yesterday and his girlfriend.

''Sorry about that'' Michael says pulling his beanie off and ruffles his hair, he looks like he hasn't brushed his hair since they met yesterday ''long story''

''No it is fine, how long have you two been together'' Ryan asks looking at the menu.

''Together?'' Michael asks flagging down a waiter ''The usual Seth and get this guy some of your chili fries''

''Sure Mike anything else?'' The waiter asks?

''Chocolate milkshake?'' Michael asks with a coy smile

''Extra chocolate'' the waiter, Seth, asks and Michael just nods ''would you like something to drink sir'' the guy turns to ask Ryan

 Ryan looks up from his menu ''Ehm mountain dew please''

Michael runs his hands through his hair again and Ryan has to almost forcible stop himself from staring ''ehm how did your exam go?''

''Good, won't hear what i got for a couple of weeks but i think i knew most of it'' Michael smiles.

“So you”re not scared of being mobbed out with me?” Michael asks as he takes of his glasses.

Ryan just stares and Michael snaps his fingers in front of his face “yo earth to Ryan” Michael laughs when Ryan gives him a puzzled look.

“Sorry, just…what did you ask? Ryan replies as Seth, the waiter brings over there drinks.

“Thanks Seth” Michael says immediately taking a sip of his drink “Seth’s milkshakes are legendary around here, wanna try” Michael asks

 “Love to but strict diet” Ryan says patting his stomach “need to keep in shape”

“Oh my god Cassie it is Ryan Lochte, look over there” Ryan hears a girl with a high pitch voice scream. He groans internally as Michael turns around to see where the sound is coming from.

“God it is him” her friend screams as the two make their way over to him and Michael

“Mike you never told us you knew the Ryan Lochte” the first girls screeches “Ryan will you take a picture with us” the second one asks sitting down next to Ryan.

“Sure” Ryan says as the second girl squeezes into the cubicle

“Here Mike you can make the picture, do something artsy” the first girl says handing over her Iphone to Michael.

Michael rolls his eyes at her and takes the mobile “Stephanie, this is a mobile phone, the pixels suck and the light exposure is…  
  
“Mike just make the fucking picture” the girls snaps

“Fine” Michael concendes “Smile” he looks at the picture and hands it back to the girl

“We were actually just going” Michael says as he stands up “Ryan wanted me to show him how to get back to his hotel”

Ryan looks up at Michael with a smile “Yes I kind of got lost and Michael here was going to show me the way”

“Ow” the girl says with a pout as Michael shouts over at Seth to cancel their order.

“Nice to meet you though” Ryan says with his southern charm and the girls just giggle and return to their cubicle.

Michael puts back on his beanie and heads towards the door followed by Ryan

“Thanks dude” Ryan says as they are standing outside.

“Not a problem, want me to drop you off at your hotel?”

“Not really”

Michael nods “Well ehm…you could come back to mine…play some Halo?” Michael stammers

“Jeah” Ryan replies.

“Sorry is that a yes or a no” Michael asks looking uncertain

“A yes” Ryan laughs

 

Ryan lets out a low whistle as he walks around Michael's living room. ''You make all this'' he asks running his finger along some of the pictures.

Michael nods and walks over to the bookshelf and picks up a black and white photo ''This is my favourite'' he says handing it to Ryan. 

''Wow she is beautiful, who is she'' my sister, I was playing around with some camera's and I caught her. People show their true emotions when they think nobody is looking'' Michael says choosing a song on his phone and pressing play, he puts it down on the press.

Ryan hands the picture back to Michael ''She looks sad'' Michael nods and puts the picture back ''I found out a few days later that her husband had left her for someone else''

''Sucks'' Ryan replies and starts walking around the room again. ''You have a real talent you know''

Michael shrugs ''I do odd jobs here and there, I just got the contract with Speedo it is good money but not really what I want to do''

''Taking pictures of jumped-up swimmers who think they are a god because they won a bunch of medals isn't something you can see yourself doing for the next forty years'' Ryan says sitting down on the sofa not making eye contact with Michael.

''I didn't mean...'' Michael says blushing but sighs a breath of relief when he sees Ryan's smile. 

Michael laughs and walks over to the sofa so he can sit down next to Ryan ''So swimming eh how on earth did you train every day for what 10 years?''

Ryan laughs ''Well it actually was 4 but you know, you have to do extreme things if you want to be the best''

Michael shakes his head ''Well if that is what it takes to be the best i don't mind coming second or even third''

''Well i don't mind coming second outside of the pool'' Ryan laughs and Michael just turns a brighter shade of red.

Michael fumbles with his fingers and Ryan realises how young he actually looks.

“So you and the blond girl I saw you with earlier, she your girlfriend” Ryan asks hoping the answer is no

Michael laughs “Nah, just a really good friend, helped her with her paper.  Girls aren’t really my area”

Ryan’s heart skips a beat “So, you are into guys”

Michael nods “Don’t worry I didn’t bring you here to, ehm I just thought you might would like to get away from the mobbing.”

“Thanks, I owe you. You must think of a way I can repay you”

Michael smiles “Sure, you couldn’t get us Conor Dwyer’s number could you?”

“Sorry to disappoint you but he isn’t gay” Ryan says moving closer to Michael

“That’s a shame. So who is” Michael asks taking of his glasses and putting them down on the table.

“Well…” Ryan says leaning into Michael and kissing him. He can feel Michael’s hesitance but he can feel Michael relax and parts his lips.

Ryan pulls Michael in closer and presses him down on the couch.

Michael runs his hand up Ryan’s back and tugs at the neck of his t-shirt “I think this is obsolete for what I got planned”

Ryan grins “Dude I have no idea what obsolete means but this shirt is coming off if you remove your pants”

Michael grabs the hem of Ryan’s shirt and pulls it over his head “Wow” he exhales.

“What” Ryan asks resting his weight on his elbows

“Just, your body…wow”  Michael says grabbing Ryan’s and pulling him down into a kiss.

Ryan smiles and his lips start doing devastating things to Michael’s ears and neck, his hands moved randomly across his chest. “But I see your still not out of your pants” Ryan replies after a while with a wicked smile.

Michael opens the buckle of his belt and button of jeans and wriggles out of his jeans “You know this would have been a whole lot easier if you would get off me”

“Not my fault you are so out of shape” Ryan says laughing standing up pulling Michael up with him “Bedroom?”

Michael pulls Ryan along with him until he reaches his room.

“So am I your first” Ryan askes Michael in between kisses

Michael shakes his head “No but it has been awhile. Am I the first guy you have been with?” Michael asks sitting down on the bed

“No, is that a problem” Ryan says taking of his jeans.

“No just this is just, not really something I do all the time. I mean last guy I dated took me 6 months before I dared sleep with him.”

Ryan lies down on the bed “So…”

“Let just say I talk the talk but when it comes down to it… I always freak out”

Ryan runs his hand through Michael’s hair “You sure about this?”

“Yes” Michael almost shouts “I mean yes, are you?  
  
“Yes”

“Let me know if I go to fast, okay” Ryan says straddling Michael.

Michael nods and runs his hands up Ryan’s thighs. Ryan leans down to kiss Michael and Michael can feel Ryan”s erection pressing into his stomach and lets out a gasp.

“What” Ryan says pulling back

“Nothing” is all Michael manages pulling Ryan back down into the kiss.

“You got stuff” Ryan asks in between kisses

“Top draw” Michael replies letting go of Ryan’s neck

Ryan leans over to the draw and pulls out a condom and lube.

“So for this to work” Ryan says tugging at Michael’s underwear “we need to remove these”

Michael complies and removes his underwear and helps Ryan out of his.

Ryan runs his hand down Michael’s stomach and thigh.

“Impressive” he smiles.

Ryan pulls Michael in closer and spreads some lube over his penis.

“Fuck” Michael grits out as Ryan pushes into him.

Ryan can hear Michael spewing profanities into his pillow.

Michael arches his back and raises his hips. Ryan pushes forward meeting little resistance and starts rocking his hip. Michael bites his lip and can taste blood and throws his head back as Ryan pushes into him again. He tightens his legs around Ryans and Ryan keeps on thrusting hard, he can feel his pelvic bone bump his own. “More” he whispers hoarsely. “Fuck me. Hard”

Michael strokes his dick to match Ryan’s thrusts

 “God, you’re hot” Ryan groans and leans in close to Michael “I am gonna come” He breaths into Michael’s ear.

With one last thrust Ryan comes deep inside Michael. Michael doesn’t come long after.

“Wow” is all Michael says when is breathing returns to normal “not bad for an old guy”

Ryan chuckles “Not bad geek-boy”

Michael yawns “I need my sleep”  he rubs the blood off his lips. 

“And here you are going on at me for being old” Ryan jokes kissing Michael.

“Sshhh” Michael replies closing his eyes.  Ryan just shakes his head and lies down beside Michael.

“Oh and Ryan, no perving on me when I sleep” Michael smiles and Ryan just pinches him.

“Night Michael” Ryan says closing his eyes.

 

Michael is still asleep when Ryan gets out of the shower, he dries himself of and wraps the towel around his hips. He walks over the bed where Michael was lying on his side staring at the wall.  
  
“Alright then?” he asks, patting Michael on the thigh as he sits down on the bed.  
  
“Yeah, I, yeah, I’m fine.”  Michael says turning over onto his back “You got to go?”

“Yes sorry still got to do some press-stuff.” Ryan answers  putting on his jeans

“Can I call you?” Michael asks  as Ryan pulls his t-shirt over his head  
  
Ryan sits back down on the bed “Sure, but this is just a fun thing. No strings, nobody can find out about us or about me being gay”  
  
Michael feels his stomach drop “Okay, so call me later, when you’re finished”

Ryan leans in to kiss Michael again “I will, you go back to sleep. God I love your bed hair” Ryan smiles running his hand through Michael’s hair.

“I’ve got to go now. But I will phone. See you around Geek boy” Ryan laughs walking out the room.

**

Ryan is in the middle of a press conference when his phone beeps, he tries to ignore it but after the third beep and angry looks from his agent he apologizes and opens the first message

 

[Mike 1415PM]

Cant stop thinking about you

 

[Mike 1418]

i wanna do cute things like hold your hand and cuddle 

 

Ryan smiles as he reads the last one, his heart skips a beat and he hopes that he isn't blushing too much. He takes a sip of water in the hope to cool down as he opens the last one and almost chokes on the water

 

[Mike 1420]

 and make you moan uncontrollably

 

He looks over at his fellow teammates who are still answering the usual mundane questions. None of them seem to have noticed the incident. Ryan breathes a sigh of relief and starts typing a message

''Ryan, you are the greatest Olympian of all time, how does that feel and what are your plans after retiring from Rio?

''Huh'' Ryan asks looking up from his phone ''I didn't hear the question''

The room bursts out in laughter and Missy gives him a playful dig as the reporter repeats the question ''How does it feel to be a GOAT and what are you going to do after Rio?

''Eh pretty cool, i mean i but in a lot of hard work and it has paid off, as for the future i see myself settling down and having a kid or two''

The report smiles and writes something down ''So is there a special lady in your life at the moment?

Ryan nods ''a very special lady in fact, she means the world to me. My mum'' the room erupts in laughter and the reporter just rolls her eyes as she directs a question at Cullen

Ryan grabs his phone and starts typing avoiding Missy's gaze

 

[Ryan 1427PM]

I am a bad influence on you 

 

[Mike 1429PM]

Well we can just hold hands then if you are scared of corrupting me

 

[Ryan 1431PM]

No i like corrupting the young

 

[Mike 1433PM]

Fuck you, shall i come to your hotelroom later?

 

[Ryan 1435]

Only if we can cuddle to :P

 

 

**Three months earlier**

Ryan would catch himself staring at the picture Michael and from time to time. He was the polar opposite of himself and he loved how young Michael was, how full of life. He was reminded of how he was back in Athens. Michael is a romantic, he is full of energy always wanting do to everything to the max. He loves being with Michael because those stolen moments made him feel alive again. All his life he pretend to be someone he wasn't and with Michael he didn't need to.

And it came easy with Michael, no expectations. Michael didn’t care who he was or what he had achieved. Michael actually gave him a hard time for it. Or would randomly text when Ryan was on the telly commenting on what he was wearing or his “new date”.

And without realising he was a couple of months down the line. Still thinking about Michael, still trying to sneak in moments even with the Olympics coming up.

''A picknick'' Ryan askes as he runs circles up Michael's back. Ryan was in New York and had texted Michael to come see him. They had spent the day in bed, eating and fucking.

Michael let out a satisfied groan ''mhh yes I know the perfect place, secluded''

Ryan laughs as he leans into kiss Michael ''I haven't had a picknick since i was... well never really''

''Never'' Michael asks sounding shocked ''surely you went on one when you were little''

 ''No but i would love to go for a picknick only if we can do some fooling around aswell'' 

Michael smile grows bigger than Ryan possible thought was possible ''Fooling around is definitely a must''

 

Michael was right, the place he choice was perfect.  They had stopped off at the gas-station to buy food and drinks. They had eaten and were now lying on the blanket holding hands.

''So'' Ryan asked pulling Michael in closer to him and feeling the warmth of his skin ''do you take all your dates here or am i the first''

''Well you are the first i have brought here'' Michael whispers kissing Ryan’s neck.  

Ryan smiles ''Good because i am Ryan Lochte and i deserve the fucking best''

Michael rolls his eyes ''I was wondering when you would bring that up again'' 

Ryan smacks Michael's ass but leans in for another kiss. “Just admit it you love the fact that I am Ryan Lochte”

Michael just pulls in

''Ryan'' Michael pulls away pauses for a second. Looking straight into his eyes. “I love you.”  
  
Ryan smiled. “I know. I love you, too.” But he looked a little uncertain still. ''You probably the best thing that has happend to me in a while''

They both just lay there until Michael broke the silence ''So this fooling around business, what had you in mind?''

 

"Ryan" Michael asks a while later

"Hmm" Ryan replies

Michael leans over Ryan "Are you sad?"

"Why would you say that" Ryan replies closing his eyes

"Because the first time you met you looked sad. You look sad when you think nobody can see you. Even when you smile you eyes look sad"

Ryan nods "But you can see me?

"Yes, why are you sad" Michael asks resting his head on Ryan's chest

Ryan runs his finger through Michael's hair "It just feels like everything i have achieved means nothing. It feels like I am a sleep most of the time because i can't be honest about myself. It sometimes feels like a nightmare" Ryan says with a little tremble in his voice.

Ryan pulls Michael in closer and they just lie there in silence. 

 

 

 

 

  **Present day**

Michael walks around Ryan’s hotel room waiting for Ryan to return from an interview. Ryan had given him the key card earlier that day. He puts on a song and fall back onto the bed. Not long after he hears the door opening.

He had sent Ryan a text asking him if he wanted to go out to dinner but all Ryan had replied was to come meet him at his hotel

“Hey” Ryan says taking off his coat.

“Missed you” Michael says sitting back up

 ''So you asked me here to tell me it is all over haven’t you?'' Michael asks turning off the song he had been listening to.

Ryan sighs ''Mike you have a weird taste in music, you do know that. I don’t understand how you can stand that song. It gave me a headache when it was on the radio 20 years ago and it gives me even worse a headache now.''  
  
Michael wants to laugh, call him old but the tension between the two of them tells to keep quiet. Ryan had texted  him to meet him at his hotel, out of nowhere, it had been two weeks of radiosilence. Michael knew he should have seen it coming.

Michael shrugs without making comment. He’s not surprised Ryan doesn’t remember, or doesn’t  _want_  to remember, that it was the song they had kissed to. The thing that hurts Michael the most is that it wasn't all that long ago. Barely six months. 

Ryan shakes his head ruefully. ''I asked you...here... too..'' Ryan says sitting down on Michael's sofa.

''You came here to break up with me'' Michael says after a moment of silence.

Ryan falls back against the back of the sofa. He stays silent not answering Michael's question.

Michael wants to understand. If Ryan had said, “I have come to break up with you” he’d be acknowledging that there had been something there to break. And Ryan would never do that; he’d been living in a dust storm of self-deception, uncaring of the pain it gave to him or others so long as he was blinded as long as the charade was safe. In Michael's eyes they were together, there was something that could be broken.

''You told me that you loved me and now....'' Michael shouts balling his fist and hitting the wall ''Fuck'' he breaths out as his fist impacts the wall

Ryan swallows not looking up at Michael ''I told you what this was when we met, I never lied to you it. You said you were ok with that. You can’t keep asking me to come out. I can’t…''

Michael turns around ''That was before you told me you loved me, what that was that....''

''I never...''

''No you are the great Ryan Fucking Lochte, you don't do love. The only person you are in love with is yourself'' Michael spits closing the space between him and Ryan.

Ryan sighs ''Michael you are... you are young. You don't understand the complications it will have on me, on both of us.''

''You don't get to choose what is best for me''

Ryan puts his hand up to Michael's cheek but Michael grabs Ryan's wrist and pulls it away ''Just leave, go be happy with whatever airhead your agent has chosen for you.

''I, it not that....'' Ryan says voice trembling

''that easy?'' Michael replies finishing Ryan's sentence ''Yes it is, your just scared''

“Mike, we can still see each other, I just can't...be what you want me to be.”

Michael puts back on his hoodie and plays with one of the cords ''No'' he stands up and throws his backpack over his shoulder.

''Mike'' Ryan says pleading.

Michael pulls Ryan in close ''I love you'' he whispers “I know what you’re going to say I am too young to even know what true love is, but I feel that we..” running his hand up Ryan’s back before pulling away '' this isn't enough for me, and deep down inside you know it isn't enough for you''

''All my life I have had to hide who I am, but with you..I just....''

Michael smiles but there is something sad in the way he is smiling ''I can't do what you are asking me to do Ryan''

''So this is it?'' Ryan replies voice trembling

''I guess'' Michael says walking towards the door and turns the doorknob ''for what it is worth Ryan, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself''

Ryan holds out his hand to Michael ''Mike please''

''Sorry Ryan, I don't think two people can play this charade'' he opens the door and steps out into hotel foyer leaving a trembling Ryan behind him.

 

***

 

“Looks painful” Mary says looking at the cut on Michael’s hand “why on earth would you punch a wall”  
  
Michael just sighs and closes his eyes “Long story, just this guy I am seeing…wants me to be with him but he doesn’t want to come out of the closet”

“This might sting” Mary says putting some iodine on the cut.

“Fuck” Michael spits pulling his hand back

“Mike stop being such a child, I need to clean the cut. Now give me your hand.” Michael lets Mary look at the cut again.

“So I ended it” Michael says closing his eyes and trying not to cry

“Mike, is this the same guy you met up with that time you asked me to pretend to be your girlfriend” Mary asks.

Michael nods

“Oh, so he isn’t open about his sexuality”

Michael shakes his head and lifts himself up onto the kitchen counter and plays with the bowl of fruit.

“Did you ask him to come out” Mary asks nudging Michael when he doesn’t answer his question.

“Yeah kind of” Michael says

Mary sighs “Baby I love you, you are my best friend but…you can’t ask someone to come out. Even if you love them and they love you”

“But…” Michael starts

“No, remember how scared you were coming out. And all you had to worry about was how your parents would react. Ryan has to deal with the whole world, everyone is going to have an opinion. Can you blame him for not wanting to come out?”

“No”

“Do you think he loves you?” Mary asks pushing herself up onto the counter next to Michael

Michael rest his head on his shoulder “Yes”

“So does it really matter if he is out or not? He isn’t hurting anyone.”

“But it isn’t…”

Mary rolls her eyes “Michael if you love him then it doesn’t matter what happens does it. And perhaps if he knows he has you it might make it easier for him”

Michael closes his eyes “I hate it when you are right”

Mary kisses his forhead “I know, must suck that I am right most of the time” she laughs jumping down from the counter “Just one last thing, do you really want to lose him because of this”

Michael groans “I ask you to fix my hand not my life”

“Sorry but that is what best friends do, I have to study. See you later okay?”

Michael nods and kisses her on the cheek "Speak to you later"

 

Michael lies on the couch staring at the ceiling. The conversation with Mary running in his head, Ryan’s face as he left burning in his memory, sti;; hearing Ryan plead for him to stay. He closes his eyes trying to drown out all that happened. He feels his phone vibrate in his hoodiepocket and as he goes to get it when he finds the key card to Ryan’s room.  He ignores the text from his mom and opens the folder with the picture of him and Ryan. Stopping at the one he took after Ryan told him he loved him. 

“Fuck” Michael  shouts jumping off the coach.

 

 

Michael opens the door to Ryan’s room. It is quiet and dark inside. He can hear Ryan breath. He takes of his shoes and climbs onto the bed. Ryan doesn’t seem to wake. He lies down beside Ryan and pulls him in closer.

“Hey, sorry for waking you” Michael whispers as Ryan starts to stir and looks at Michael.

“Michael what are you doing here” Ryan says slurring, still half asleep.

Michael leans over to kiss Ryan “Just came to wake you up to tell you I love you”

“But I thought…”

Michael runs his hands across Ryan’s cheek “I’ll wait until you’re ready”

“Really” Ryan asks sitting up “you’re not just saying this to mess with me”

Michael shakes his head “You love me and I love you and I will wait. Go back to sleep, I will be here when you wake up if you will have me”

Ryan smiles and pulls Michael into a hug “Thank you for coming to wake me up”

 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if there are any mistakes, continuity errors...my mind was pretty fried when i finished this


End file.
